Light the lanterns…I have arrived Kathleen Dean ~ Dec 28, 2014
Your memories called out to me; I walked to your heart and found my own.
I almost imagined your smile; like an unfinished letter, it was impossible to call you back.
At your death, they painfully denied my request to go with you.
“Is it the fare?” I asked. “There is enough money.
Maybe I need to get my bag packed first.
Do I need to call anyone? Why can’t I go too?”
The guardian at the door stood silent not answering a single question.
Then replied,
“I must turn you away is not your turn, not yet, some day.”
Despite his remark, I decided to wait feeling that if he saw my pain the Almighty might change his mind.
I shouted,
“I will grab a brick and break a window!”
I was prepared to explain what a wonderful husband you were. Surely, he will understand how much I will miss you.
“I am willing to pay the fee.”
No amount of money or tears will bring you back. Truth is you have never left.
I move on through the days and nights opening up each one carefully with the knowledge that I would find a glimpse of your, our, life.
There they were I eagerly started toward them. Our wedding day; the first thing I saw was you sitting in the ER at Mercy Hospital because you had rice stuck in your left ear.
The nurse laughed, “So you’re the reason I could not sleep, all those cars that were being driven up and down my street blowing their horns. Maybe I ought to leave that rice in there.”
We felt so lost when the bank manager rejected our request for a loan. We had applied in not one, but three different banks to purchase a home. To think they claimed we were too young.
Grandpa Brown told us not to worry, “Buying a house was like catching a street car. Another one would come along.”
A month later, we were able to get our dream place along the shores of Knox Lake.
Not all doors open up into a pleasant memory. There are some where no one answers my calls for help. In my darkest hours, I sense thee, by smell of laughter mixed in with shades of light as the sun peeps over the trees.
Shaking off depression I feel more than hear a voice,
“This will work out you are not alone.”
So far, I have managed not to do myself in, cause an accident, or bodily injury. Some mornings I must look like the wicked witch of the west though.
It is amazing what a bath and a little make-up can do for a body.
“So where do you think you’re going?”
…I do not know.
I was beginning to believe that there were no more rooms left… all vacant, all dark.
Pain lurks in the shadows, I have found book of matches that will light my way.
There are many days and years ahead for me. They are pointing towards tomorrow, carefully selected.
Light the lanterns. I have arrived.
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