Light the lanterns…I have arrived Kathleen Dean Dec 28 2014

English: Chinese lanterns in the nightsky of L...
English: Chinese lanterns in the nightsky of Lijiang, Yunnan Province, China (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Light the lanterns…I have arrived Kathleen Dean ~ Dec 28, 2014

Your memories called out to me; I walked to your heart and found my own.

I almost imagined your smile; like an unfinished letter, it was impossible to call you back.

At your death, they painfully denied my request to go with you.

“Is it the fare?” I asked. “There is enough money.

Maybe I need to get my bag packed first.

Do I need to call anyone? Why can’t I go too?”

The guardian at the door stood silent not answering a single question.

Then replied,

“I must turn you away is not your turn, not yet, some day.”

Despite his remark, I decided to wait feeling that if he saw my pain the Almighty might change his mind.

I shouted,

“I will grab a brick and break a window!”

I was prepared to explain what a wonderful husband you were. Surely, he will understand how much I will miss you.

“I am willing to pay the fee.”

No amount of money or tears will bring you back. Truth is you have never left.

I move on through the days and nights opening up each one carefully with the knowledge that I would find a glimpse of your, our, life.

There they were I eagerly started toward them. Our wedding day; the first thing I saw was you sitting in the ER at Mercy Hospital because you had rice stuck in your left ear.

English: Traditional street lanterns
English: Traditional street lanterns (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The nurse laughed, “So you’re the reason I could not sleep, all those cars that were being driven up and down my street blowing their horns. Maybe I ought to leave that rice in there.”

We felt so lost when the bank manager rejected our request for a loan. We had applied in not one, but three different banks to purchase a home. To think they claimed we were too young.

Grandpa Brown told us not to worry, “Buying a house was like catching a street car. Another one would come along.”

A month later, we were able to get our dream place along the shores of Knox Lake.

Not all doors open up into a pleasant memory. There are some where no one answers my calls for help. In my darkest hours, I sense thee,  by smell of laughter mixed in with shades of light as the sun peeps over the trees.

Shaking off depression I feel more than hear a voice,

“This will work out you are not alone.”

So far, I have managed not to do myself in, cause an accident, or bodily injury. Some mornings I must look like the wicked witch of the west though.

It is amazing what a bath and a little make-up can do for a body.

“So where do you think you’re going?”

Ramadan lanterns from below, Road 9, Maadi, Ca...
Ramadan lanterns from below, Road 9, Maadi, Cairo, Egypt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

…I do not know.

I was beginning to believe that there were no more rooms left… all vacant, all dark.

Pain lurks in the shadows, I have found book of matches that will light my way.

There are many days and years ahead for me. They are pointing towards tomorrow, carefully selected.

Light the lanterns. I have arrived.


The wind sighs its invocation

Soul leaving

The wind sighs its  invocation.

Soul is about to take flight.

The body is old,  decaying, dying.

Spirit Is buoyant and light.

I am surrendered on Soul’s knees.

My heart’s ears are open.

Now is the leave-taking I have dreamed

The gentle Voice has spoken.

I am always with you.

Come, my child be set free.

Know you do not walk alone

You are always a part of Me. 

The wind sighs its  invocation.


Thank you Mother for the things you taught….thank you Mother for the things you forgot.


MotherSnapshot_20110812_18I have surrendered all that I am

To the great I Am.

That is the only way

I know

How to make it

through today.

Today, it is  the beginning of a journey

I never ever wanted to make.

A day without you.

A day without the family surrounding each other.

A day that alternately swoops over me.

A day that sustains me.

A windy cold day in the Southern part of Alberta.

A day to begin an adventure.

A day to rejoice.

A day to revitalize and remember

A loving Mother.

Who is “free at last”.

“My goodness gracious

Child, your actions drive me wild.”

I need not sit too long

being introspective.

Your love is always with me.

My spirit not quite resurrected.

How to face the face that faces the day.

Oh, yes, dear Mother….

I will remember to pray.

I will remember the lessons.

I will remember the joy.

I will honor your life by forgiving

all the times I did not start the day with thinking of you.

I will honor those you loved

by sending them a hug

by giving a smile

by making my day

without you here

A day that is truly worthwhile.

Thank you Mother

for the things you taught.

Thank you Mother

for the things you forgot.

Thanks my Mother

for teaching me living.

Thanks beloved Mother

for a reason for giving.


Now, I can wash my face and put on a smile of remembrances.

Thanksgiving 2007
Reflections of Mother

New Traditions now appear…..

Oasis (Photo credit: Photomatt28)
New Traditions now appear…..
As the changes 
With some of the old ones,
leaving, divorcing, dying.

I am learning about the unconditional love.

I learned it from the airlines….

who tell you to ” put your mask on first”.

I learned from the Creator….

who taught me how to fill my thirst.

I can not bring  a  gift

of a cup of water to the traveler 

WHEN  I have not dug my well. 

I shall not feel guilty

for owning  a clear,  cool,  deep  artisan well.

I shall not tell you

of the arduous hours

of digging and self discovery.

I will teach you if you ask.

I will buy you the shovel.

I will not dig it for you. 

But first drink dear traveler.

Sample the living water.

Is it that which you have been seeking?

You need not stay to dig the well here. 

You have your Journey.

Thank you for spending a moment

with the new traditions

and an old woman at the well. 

Stolen from Maureen Olih ELDERLY JOKES


  • Category: Elderly Jokes

    I have been in many places, but I’ve never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

    I’ve also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

    I have, however, been in Sane. They don’t have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

    I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I’m not too much on physical activity anymore.

    I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

    I’ve been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

    Sometimes I’m in Capable, and I go there more often as I’m getting older.

    One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

    And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not! ♥

Guest Author Niels-Jul Towards the end of Life (unedited and published with love)

362_30888233073_7626_nNiels-Jul Yrvin
Niels-Jul   Towards the end of life. My experiences at the retirement home in Fredrikstad.
Some years I had lived alone with my mother.   She was seriously ill but still “on the fly.” She was up seven times at night and I was going to take the exam in 14 days.  Tired was a mild word.  I waited on the bus from school.  I decided to contemplate and used a prayer that I had learned, “HU song.”   Then I said within myself,God I’m so tired and my exam in 14 days. Now, I need rest. I do not know what to do. So I leave this matter to you God. I am open to the solution you are correct and make everyone happy.”
Back home a half hour later met with a surprising view.   There were community nurses, ambulance men and a doctor. They said, ‘You’ve done what you can and we take over. ”
I cried a little tear of joy, although I felt a little guilty too. After that I visited my mother in the hospital and then daily in the Fjeldberg retirement home. Through the last time, mom and I developed an amazing friendship and love ties. We had found the topics of conversation and could have fun together. LOL
One night, five weeks later came a phone call from Fjeldberg: “We assume that your mother will die during the night.” I went down to Fjeldberg immediately. Mother had cold legs and arms and all the signs that it was nearing the end.
Since I earlier in life had some out of body experiences, I was not afraid of death. For me it was just a transfer to a new life as a soul. I just waited for the transition to happen. The nurse on duty was a substitute that I had seen before. We had worked together on “Sagafjord” 20 years earlier. I spoke with her about memories, as an intuition came over me.
“My mother will not die tonight.” I got up and said, “If there is a change then you just call me. I’m coming as fast as I can”. In the afternoon I had not heard anything. So I took a trip down to the retirement home again. There I met nurse on day watch on the way of duty. When she looked at me, I could see from her eyes and body language that something extraordinary had happened. She thought a long time as if she lacked the words.
Finally she said, “Yesterday, she had all the signs of death. (Pause) This morning at 0800, she came running out of room and very angry and demanded breakfast. We have never experienced before. She has refused to eat for three days. The Intuition was correct. After that,in the retirement home she was often referred to as our “miracle”.
An interesting time began. Mother and I talked a lot. She told me what had happened that night and the future plan. It was information I cannot pass on. It would probably bring both of us in for psychological evaluation. The world was not quite ready for the inner experiences and heavenly healing.
One day my mother asked me if I could take her to the other side. I often visit heaven in contemplation but to bring others were unknown to me and against the rules. I have a teacher who can do more about this than me. So I thought a bit about. I closed my eyes and chanted my meditation word HU, “pronounced HjU” and took hold of my mother’s hand. After half an hour I felt a vibration in my mother’s hand. I opened my eyes and my mother looked at me and said thanks. All I had experienced was holding her hand and see a dim blue light when I closed my eyes. It was clear that she had had an experience. My teacher is a very positive guardian angel who goes by the name “MAHANTA” He works with a team of guardian angels. My mother referred to them as the golden men. It was probably those who had taken my mother on a tour and handed her back the appropriate time.
One Saturday later, my friends visited my home for a “Community HU song ” HU song for all as we call it in Norway. It was nice. It’s not often we meet. The divine spirit gave both warmth and an incredible sense of love. This feeling sometimes continues after HU song. So I went to visit my mother. When I entered the room she exclaimed, pointing into the air, “You bring all the gold men today.” It pleased me that she could see my guardian angels. They have certainly not feathers, but wears a costume from the time they lived here on earth. An Egyptian, monk cuts, the third and fourth suits are a couple of Persian outfits as well.
Golden men pictures
Christmas was approaching. My mother and I have different religions and Christmas was my mother’s holiday. I was at the retirement home early to celebrate Christmas with her. Later I should prepare my own dinner. Then came the nurse and invited me for Christmas dinner at Fjeldberg. I said goodbye to my mother and went home to change cloth. When I got into my mother’s room again, ready for Christmas dinner she lay very still like sleeping with no signs of waking up. Then it intuition struck me again. “Soul had transferred home to heaven, but the body still had some life energy.” I asked the nurse if something special had happened. To my joy came the following reply. “Ten Sing Choir” had been there with the priest. They had been singing Christmas carols and the priest prayed with my mother. Mother had taken the opportunity to return to the kingdom of love with Gods prayers on her tongue. In my religion to leave this earth with God name on the lips is consider an amazing gift of love.
I enjoyed a good dinner. Then suddenly something called for immediate attention and the nurses disappeared, and I was alone with the old for a minute. Hans, an old blacksmith, sat next to me. I felt that was still hungry. I asked if he wanted more food. He said yes. Now it was not my field, but since he could not move my arms I had to feed him. The first time felt a bit uncomfortable both for him and me. I wondered a little bit when intuition struck again. The words kind of fell out of me, “You Hans, it must be terrible to be so young inside and could not even feed oneself.” I’ve never seen a man who has been so happy for a lfew words ever. I looked up and around. Even if I had said it in a normal voice all the old once had heard the words. They shone like suns, nodding their heads all together. I call it the Gold men’s gift to the old ones in the home that Christmas evening.
I visited the mother every day and the signs that death came closer was more apparent day by day. The, 2nd January, I sat holding a cold hand when it shook a little. Then I heard her clear voice. “Thank you so much for now Niels-Jul” Then she was gone again. The body died, 5 January 1993.
At the funeral I had a vision. In a shining light body with two of the “gold men”, my mother stood beside the coffin for a last goodbye.
My brother made the following comments at the funeral. “I have never felt such love in any funeral ever.” Later we talked about my mother’s and father’s funerals my brother expressed his surprise. Father had been an active person in society. He had held many leadership positions and sometimes 4 different jobs. He was a good and loving father. At the funeral there were 25 people. Mother had been a housewife and served dinner precisely at 4:00 every day and taken care of all the home activities since they got married. To her funeral there were 50 people.
In my world the word this tells that the service my mother gave to her family is just as important as my father’s efforts. He could not do what he did without the support my mother gave every single day in the life they had together.
I would also like to thank the golden men who brought my mother to visit her own funeral. They create harmony of love and warmth where ever they show up.

If only…….

Performing arts
Performing arts (Photo credit: cynicalview)

If only…

I could hold you  and wipe away the tears

If only…

I could do magic and banish all your fears.

If only…

You could see the beauty that you are

If only…

There was  some joy for you to realize

as you are waiting on the setting sun.

If only…

you could make your peace…

before you go beyond the stars. 

If only…

you were free of your dreaded disease.