I put a rock in my pocket (a journey of grief and healing)

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Jasper rock gathering MaryHelen Ferris

Both of my parents loved the autumn.   They died within 60 days of each other.  I had not dealt with the grief.  I needed to go to the mountains.  I needed a rock in my pocket.   Here are the ramblings and tumblings of words in grief as I journeyed to find that rock.   Not knowing I would return to this place of grief and growth often, and especially in the autumn.

I watched the sky.
I wondered ‘why?’
I watched my pain
Formed into rain.
It renewed the earth as it fell.
The earth sprung up
Into the mountainous skies.
The beauty of the mountains acted  as shards to Soul.
I caressed the shards with my eyes; wanting them  to cut deep.

Cut away the dross.

Cut away the loss.
The peaks were covered with misty fog.
The peaks were covered in rain.
The peaks were breathing in glorious snow.
I was very jealous.
I needed to feel that connected.
I wanted to lie on the top mountain peak.
I wanted to caress the forest’s floor.
I wanted to know.
I wanted to be.
I wanted to be real.
I craved renewal and purpose.
I needed to be free of the pain of your passing.
I wanted to feel.
Stillness.
Freedom.
I longed for a mission.
I had to have the compulsion to go onward.
I did not feel anything like that at all.
Then the Sun came out.
It silhouetted the trees
Covered them in a raindrop-halo which glistened.
While they danced in the breeze beauty poured over me,
  Beauty bombarded Soul, beauty went through me.
I drove away whole.
Now in the rear-view mirror
I have my direction.
I will return to the mountains
I will walk through the valleys and peaks.
I will do the next ‘right thing’.
I will be a mountain or raindrop.
Depending on the day.
I will be in touch with my life.
I will learn to say “no
To the needs of another
When my own needs are intense.
I will return to these mountains
when I need to get in touch
With my departed parents
Whom I longed to hold so much.
I put a rock in my pocket.

photo by Sonny Alfredo Galea

Jasper National Park photo by Sonny Alfredo Galea

A radiant dream of your love

Beauty

Beauty photo MaryHelen Ferris   Jasper 2008

I reclined.

I was  filling

myself with

Thy

loving grace.

I drifted.

I was living

in my happy place.

I dreamed you.

I was overjoyed

to see your face.

I reclined

Further into

light and sound’s own space.

I awakened.

Radiant.

Filled with the love

of knowing you.

Listening to the Master's Voice

Listening to the Master’s Voice  Photo MaryHelen Ferris

dreaming out loud (this has a copyright)*contest entry

Living with Nature

I am dreaming that

I have become

the divine feminine gentle Soul.

I am dreaming that

I have a child on the way.

I am dreaming that

I am beloved of one

of The Beloved’s own.

I am dreaming that

I have freedoms all the way

to worlds unknown.

I am dreaming that

love will have its say.

I am dreaming that

love has healed me

and made me whole.

Oh,  my goodness

Oh,  for heaven’s sake

I am not dreaming.

This is my true life

I am truly wide awake.

The Virgin was not

the only one

Who was  blessed

among women.

I am.

I am that

because of the love

of the Creator.

I am that

because of the love

that has been so

freely given to me

I am that

because in my Soul

I am truly free.

I am that

because in every day
in each every way

each day

I am getting better and better.

I am becoming

more like Thee.

I see your love

in every rock and tree and flower

I see more love

behind the eyes of my neighbour

I see it growing by the hour.

I am living the dream

That Soul came here to dream.

I gaze into your eyes

It is then I realize

You are living the same dream.

How blessed we are

beloved dear heart

That each day is so full

of the love of the Creator

For all of us

Now I surrender

To do my part.

Autumn intentions under the Harvest full moon

roses after first snowfall
Image via Wikipedia

 The autumn crispness now blends with the harvest smells on the breeze

The last barbeques, corn busts, and fire pits are lasting longer.

The last of the roses are worshipped petal by petal…covered by frost..now by snow.

The last die-hard campers are offering pleas.

Spirits are buckling up,  seeing if they are worth the metal

of the long winter ahead.

This will not be a winter of our dis-content.

This will be the harvesting of centuries of due diligence…

This will be the fulfillment of the destiny in the stars…

This is will be the autumn and winter in which Soul serves to flourish

This will be the winter of the longest snows.

This will be the holiday of holidays.

This autumn, this winter the celebration will be ours..

All of this and more…only heaven knows.

“Insha Allah” as the Master wills.

May our hearts be open

May our questioning spirits be stilled.

May we in loving service surrender to God’s will.

May we see the Beloved Master in our neighbours eyes.

May we  live to love many more autumns and winters.

May our loving service come as no surprise.

“Insh Allah” as the Master wills.

May our hearts be open

May our questioning spirits be stilled.

Wandering here with the Beloved

The love of the Master Sri Harold Klemp

There is more beauty

Than one’s heart supposes

Wandering here with the Beloved

In the morning, with the dew on the roses.

The smell of the swathing and harvest of crops

Has the heart full of gratitude

It is so full it almost stops.

The animals are gathering while so full of mirth

The bountiful harvest of beloved Mother Earth.

The laughter of children

The stories of the elders as they sit shelling peas

Provide me with a melody

As I fill the cupboards and freezer with gifts….

Oh, the bountiful harvest gives one’s spirit a lift

As love wafts on the breeze.

My beloved is coming soon home from his visit

His long walk-about has taught him of the Creator’s great love

Of the love within himself, of the love from above.

Oh this bountiful harvest makes lift worth the living….

I have Joy enough to spread around…

It will be used for the forward giving.

There is more beauty

Than one’s heart supposes

Wandering here with the Beloved

In the morning, with the dew on the roses.

The still small voice that is never still

The still small voice within

sends its love to all the world 

The still small voice within me

holds its love in a never-ending whirl

The still small voice within the music

within me spirals out into the song

The still small voice within the laughter

is so glad you came along.

The still small voice that is never still

Is bending searching and yielding

Opening now to do Thy will.

The still small voice within thy will

Opens now to the cosmic sea

The still small voice within the Joy

can now just let it be. 

The still small voice within the laughter 

contains the magic of living

The still small voice with my heart

Has a brand new way of forgiving. 

So let us take heart in the midst of the storm

Knowing the still small voice within us all

Will guide us safely home…

Within the guidance of that love within the still small voice

Is love and peace to share.

Within the love I found you my love

I am so glad that you are there.

Within the still small voice within you

There is peace and harmony

Within the still small voice within us all

Is a place we can be together

Within the still small voice is the place we can be free. 

When I am sitting seemingly alone

I am actually within the still small voice

Dancing at heaven’s throne.

Mother Answers

Yes, my darling children

I know what you are going through

Mum and Pup broke my heart

when death’s door they walked to.

I lost my brothers and sisters.

I lost my friends and my babies too.

Know this my dear children

Heaven is where you make it

You do not have to wait till the other side.

Enjoy the laughter.

Enjoy the love.

Enjoy the tears.


Make your daily meditation

An act of dedication.

Let your love for me

Show in all you do.

That is the best way

For your kindness to show

That is the best way for me

To know that you listened

When I told you


Dedicate your love, life and laughter

To the Master

That is what I want you to do

That will be the best reflection

Of the love that has been given you.

I bathed in the Ocean


Filled with Love and Mercy.

I basked in the Master’s sweet Grace.


Your love and forgiveness

Have helped my healing

As I enjoy Spirit’s sweet embrace.

Your love is my Lighteness.


Your forgiveness my crown.

Your kind actions to others

My beautiful gown.

Go on with your mission.

Be your own best friend.

Do as I told you

“Dedicate your life and your

actions to the Master.


Do all in His name.


That is the best reflection

of the love that has been given you.

I will always love you.

The Master is always with you.

Listen, dear child, when you want to ask ‘Why’

It is because I told you so.”

I am not gone from your Heart

Dear Ones.


My love comes to you on the Breeze.

Remember, in your morning meditation

Do all you can to ease

The pain of the downcast

The sorrow of the homeless

The hunger of those still searching

The anger of the frightened ones


Still lost in the fog.

Be of service to the servers.


Be a friend to the friendless.

Embrace the unembraceable.

Forgive the un-forgiveable.

Love the actor…hate the action.

“Dedicate your life and your

actions to the Master.

Do all in His name.

That is the best reflection

of the love that has been given you.

I will always love you.

The Master is always with you.

Listen, dear child, when you want to ask ‘Why’

It is because I told you so.”

I want to be a computer Master

Today I had my computer repaired.

It had a virus.

It took a few hours.

There was a technician who worked with love.

Who took all the data saving  the essential things

They cleaned off all the garbage. 

Master, I want to be a computer.

I am over whelmed

with all the things from others

I have been down loading…

over 68 years this lifetime….let alone 

the garbage I dumped on others lifetime after lifetime.

It is not my business.

It is not my stuff.

But, when my experience strength and hope

can be a bridge to freedom….for another

Let the sunlight of the Spirit

sustain me and guide them.

Loving fully completely and boldly

That for me is quite enough….

So can I change my request…

I do not want to be a computer

and not feel deeply

I do not want to delete my past

when it can be a bridge home to you

For Souls emerging from the fog.

Goodness knows you rescued

me so many times

You sent angels to walk with me.

When I would not listen….

You beloved Master walked with me…

Until I made it safely home.

Now I am home and free

Let me serve

Let me be more

and more like thee.

No, dear Master

I do not want to be a computer.

I want to be Soul. 

I want all Soul’s to be free. 

Let me continue

to be a fool for God.