This poem is for my daughter
Who came dancing in my womb.
When you were born
My life was out of tune.
I gave you a new Mommy.
I gave you a new Dad.
For years in my addicition
Your birthday was an occasion
to be sad.
I made a choice
when you were growing
inside of me that you
were going to be protected
from my addicition
the cancer in me.
Now your birthday
is a cause for celebration.
You perhaps have children of your own.
I celebrate the beauty of your birth.
I read Leonard Cohen poetry all afternoon.
I smoked Cameo menthol cigarettes.
(There was not the knowledge
in those golden days that
cigarettes would harm you
as an unborn child in so many ways)
You were born at 4:44 in a beautiful place.
When I close my eyes
I can still see your face.
The new Mother and Father
had come to welcome you
right at the hospital.
The new Mommy knew you
were coming for several months
so arrangements were made
for her
to come to hospital
a couple of hours after I did.
After I delievered you, you were placed in her arms.
The adoption we all hid.
I dreamed of you many times.
I registered myself for passive information
for you
to find me when you became twenty-one.
The cancer that was growing
inside me made me curious
by far
I am still living
and I don’t live in a bar.
My recovery has been blessed
with many young women
who like you were adopted at birth.
Each year they have encouraged me
to let you know
that you were truly loved.
I was too sick with the cancer.
I had to let you go.
You have been gone from my eyes
For many years.
But dear Daughter
you will always live in my heart.
It was a wise decision to give
YOU
a good start.
One day, if you ever
discover
you were adopted
Know that it was the best gift
I could give you
A Father and a Mother.
When the questions come
As they often do
Know you were so special
That God gave you two Mothers.
One who assisted you into the world
One who welcomed you into hers.
We each have a duty
We each have a choice.
I gave you the love
you most richly deserve.
So at this wonderful occasion
I want to say
“Much love on your birthday
dear Daughter of mine…
may you follow the Master
when it is time.
May you know that I placed you
in His loving care.
That He helped me make
A hard choice….
That it is important
To hear His sweet Voice.
You came into my womb
Dancing and wild
but you will always be
His precious Child.”
I
